“Everyone’s Invited!”
The mission of Clarinet Playground is to create fun and engaging musical studies and performance pieces for clarinet and auxiliary clarinets that solidify fundamentals while encouraging musical exploration and self-expression. Clarinet Playground is more than books and sheet music – it is a community where everyone is welcome and valued!
There’s more to the story…
I have spent a great deal of my life trying to figure out where I fit. Finding a place in the world and finding meaning to your life is an overwhelming idea that so many of us struggle with throughout our lives. Musicians and artists especially are constantly seeking to uncover their individual voice or style or are trying to produce or create something that will be left behind when they are gone. Let’s face it, making your mark in the world is getting tougher and tougher (seemingly). Through the internet and social media, we now have total access to see and hear exactly how much “competition” we have in our field. It is completely overwhelming! What can I leave behind that says, “I was here?” What can I contribute? This struggle is human nature, but man, it can be pretty torturous too! Pile on to this idea all of the obstacles and challenges we face in different seasons of our lives and it can be a pretty debilitating recipe for a total psychological and creative shutdown.
So that’s where I was. Shut down. Shut off. Yes, a little bitter too. I was just about to seek a totally new career path because, honestly, I felt angry that I spent 25 years of my life working towards a goal that I finally realized was someone else’s idea of success. I was also dealing with the consequences of multiple dental surgeries, numbness in my hands, and constant sinus infections. I saw these obstacles as huge roadblocks and perhaps a sign for me to move on. So, I took a break. I took a long break. I painted. I played with my kids. I cooked. Even though I continued teaching lessons, I disengaged from the musical world. I needed some time away. My relationship with music needed a major overhaul or we needed to agree to disagree and make a clean break, like a divorce.
As mentioned before, it is “seemingly” getting tougher to make your mark in the world. It only seems that way because we have total access to hear and experience contributions on a worldwide stage from a device we hold in our hands. Take a minute to let that marinate. Just 25 years ago, this concept would have been pretty far-fetched. Instead of allowing this global stage to intimidate me, I decided to return to music and the clarinet on my own terms. Instead of allowing my obstacles to define my musical future, I focussed on what I CAN do.
So to start, I knew I wanted to play what I wanted to play. If I was playing something that failed to provide a positive response, I moved on to play something else. Besides, I had complete control of my musical selections anyway since I was a bit musically isolated. I was adjusting to life with two small children and still coping with my physical obstacles (dental surgeries, hand numbness) so gigs and collaborations were absent from this period of my life. I began to really appreciate the fact that I was gifted this freedom. I could do anything I wanted! So… I started to write music that I wanted to play.
To backtrack, yes, in 2016 I wrote Prep Steps Before You Kroepsch. While I am really proud of that book of studies, it is just that, studies. They are exercises that I hope people find unique and enjoyable, but I hesitated often when I would write the word “composer” in regard to my experience. I felt I needed to dig deeper to really earn that title, and still feel that in many ways.
Back to the present. First, I experimented with writing some clarinet solos, all of which are still in process, but it was a wonderful way to get started. Then, I began thinking about fundamentals and the tools I use to teach many of those skills. I kept coming back to finger drills. I often assign finger drills to help my students refine hand position and finger movement. They work but the drills are often met with a bit of reluctance. I wanted to find a way to make practicing finger drills more musically satisfying and rewarding.
The idea of writing music with finger drills incorporated into them hit me like a slap in the face. “Yes! This will be my next project!” So, I chose how I would set up the drills for each étude and the drills themselves were the starting point for how I wrote each étude. I would noodle with the drill – take it high and low – add some jumps – then a melody would reveal itself and off I went! It was a little slow going at first. Some weeks I wrote 2 or 3 pages and other weeks I would write 2 or 3 in a single day. I kept going until I wrote 38 études with only one étude kicking the bucket (the original #1). It was hard to believe! Finger Fitness Études (book 1) was finished!
I would say the main ideas that allowed this flow of writing were simply listening and letting go. Once I got my brain and ego out of the way, the melodies would almost magically appear. When I recognized this, the easier the writing went. Additionally, I put a FULL STOP to caring about what others might think. Writing this music was therapeutic, so I had to be honest and really be myself. The fact that it turned into something worth sharing is a total bonus. When I took a big step back, I finally realized that this had nothing to do with making a mark in the world or leaving something behind to be remembered by and had everything to do with being honest with myself and making a contribution.
Now, let’s return to my opening thought… “I have spent a great deal of my life trying to figure out where I fit.” I’ve learned a little about “fitting in” and how that is exactly the opposite of what we need to do to gain a sense of belonging. Fitting in involves adjusting your true self to squeeze into a shape or mold that you simple are not. The best thing we can do for us and everyone else is to show up as our most authentic selves. Brené Brown says it best HERE.
There you have it… the rest is history and, of course, there are more details, but we are all busy and need to practice! I hope that the important lessons I learned about listening, letting go, and being true to yourself will help anyone reading this message.
I am really excited and thankful that I now have my “thing” that I can do to contribute to the music world and to the clarinet community. If you are still on the path to discovering your musical calling, keep doing what you are doing and keep your eyes and mind open. Trust your gut and your ideas. Your life and musical experiences are completely unique to you. The skills you learn at each stage will all come together for you at just the right time!
Now, on to the next project…
